For the week of: Monday, August 6th 2007

"With Honor"

I do believe if I could tattoo any words on my forehead to be read by every parent passing by, the message would read, “Please, honor your spouse to your children.”  

Children are human sponges, soaking up impressions faster than a Bounty paper towel and the impressions they absorb about how mom and dad honor each other are critically important.  They will treat mom the way they see dad treat her and they will respect dad to the extent mom does. 

With that in mind, here are some suggestions.  (Please note, these suggestions are with the assumption that there is no abuse in the home that would negate a relationship of honor.)

To The Momma

• If Dad makes a call about something that you disagree with, please don’t correct him in front of the children with your own version of what’s right.  If the matter is life or death to the eternal destiny of your child, then ask to see him in the other room and give him your input.  But let’s face it; many times we want to correct him over things that won’t matter 10 years from now.  Ask yourself…is arguing this point worth discrediting him to the children?

• Learn this phrase – “Let’s find out what Dad thinks about that.”  When the kiddos want to know why they can’t go the movie they want to go to or can’t rent the video game they’ve been dieing to play, clue Dad in advance that the inquisition is about to begin, and let him guide the discussion with you about the decision that’s been made. 

• Inform your face that you’re striving to excel in this honoring business.  Mercy, we can generate the most disapproving, “Are you crazy” looks of all God’s creation, sisters; you know we do.  Pray for God to slap that look right off your face the next time it creeps up on there.  Nasty looks are not honoring.
• NEVER (yep, that’s in caps) fight in front of the children (or within earshot).  I realize children need to see that disagreeing can be done in love but it is terribly frightening to a child to see or hear their parents lashing out at one another like pit bulls. 

• Let your children see you being genuinely affectionate to one another.  Yes, I know as they grow older they will tease you about it, but it is vitally important that children see Dads and Moms holding hands, smiling at each other, hugging, delighting in each other’s voice on the phone and pleased to see the other’s face at the end of a day. 

To The Daddy

• This may require behavior modification!  Minimize the teasing.  Men, you have no idea how damaging your teasing is to us.  I know it’s second nature to you and most of the time you mean nothing by it but IT HURTS.  You can say ‘til you’re blue in the face that she doesn’t mind but I promise you, she does.  Teasing can only be taken in tee, tee tiny doses and then only after an over abundance of affirmation and kindness has preceded it…for decades!  And please do not tease her in front of the children.  Rule of thumb…if she doesn’t think it’s funny…it’s not!

• Enforce respectful behavior from your children toward your beloved.  Deal with any disrespectful attitudes toward Mom with seriousness and firmness.

• Model a gentle behavior toward her.  Dads, if it’s time to load up the car with boxes to deliver or luggage to haul, assume leadership with the chore and get the kids to help instead of everyone sitting in front of the TV until Mom has everything ready to go.  She might be strong and able but chivalry is always a Jesus trait!

• Dear husbands, please never make an inappropriate comment about another woman’s body or attractiveness in front of your children.  They need to never doubt your commitment and faithfulness to your wife.  

• Let the children see you doing things just for her and tell them so.  If your munchkin walks in the kitchen and asks why you’re making a grilled cheese sandwich, tell them…”well, Mommy worked all morning out in the yard so I thought I’d make her a sandwich.”  Take the kids to Burger King for an ICEE and tell them it’s so Mommy can have an hour to read her new book or to take a bubble bath or a nap.  

Bless your children with a Momma who treats their Daddy with dignity and a Daddy who treats their Momma with kindness…and watch them mimic the honoring behaviors in their own lives.

Blessings on your honored home,

Kay

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